Parent Nowaday

I wanted to write a blog about Youth Today.  But then I realized I need to talk about Parent Nowaday before I can write about Youth Today.

At a kopitiam, I sat down and ordered my food. Quietly, I turned the pages of the newspaper.

Then, I heard a sharp command from the table at my back "Open big big, can not, you must have it!" literally in this english sentence. In reflex, I turned my head and faced the table behind.  My face must had a certain expression. I think the mother saw the expression on my face, she toned down her command and sharp voice to say "You have to have this!".

I went on to read my newspaper.  Not sure why, I truned my head to the table behind again.  This time I saw the father, after finished his food and not helping the wife, pull out a cigarette from his pack and started lighting it, right in front of the whole family while the rest were still eating.

I am astonished by the scene.

The table at my back was a Chinese family of four, a father, a mother, an elder son and a daughter. The son is most likely around 5-8 year old and the daughter is pre-school age.  The Parent, a young couple in their mid to late 20s'.  They looks like any average Chinese family, the father seems to be able to provide for the family and the wife seems to be a young and innocent house wife.

First of all, I have high regards to my own parent.  However, I am not very fond with the Chinese Parent Nowaday. My parent, both not finishing primary school, hardworking farmers, grown 10 children and all are self independent.  My parent was upmost concerned about our educations.  Even as poor as their time, my parent tried all their best to put food on the table, put all their kids through school (until the kids were not able to proceed) and most important, act and talk like "Parent". My parent never try to convince us we must eat, or we must go to school, or we must be independent.  Instead, my parent taught us that if we don't eat, we will be in hunger; if we don't go to school, we will stay as it is; and if we don't be independent, we will have to face all the consequences for our own actions. 

What I am trying to say is, as the Parent, one must be the example before one can make the children listen, out of respect, not out of fear.

When I saw the scene at my back, it striked me as why our Youth Today is as our youth nowaday.  My niece once said to me "Well, it is not all the parent's fault!".  I told her "I am sorry.  It is not all, however, the Parent's Fault starts FIRST! It is before the fault of the School, or the fault of the Society".

I always wonder - Did all these young couples thought of what Kind of Parent they Should Be before they brought their children to this world? Did they ever think that they need to sharply command their children to EAT? Did they ever think that smoking right after food in front of their children while they're still eating help to convince the children to be good in their table manner, in the future, and in their view of the parent and in their lives?

I remembered once I was on the table eating with my dad, talking was not allowed, sipping soup or eating noise was not allowed, and I was having trouble holding my chopstick properly where my index finger pointed to another person on the table (in Chinese culture, it is very bad to point the index finger to another person during meal).  My dad, quietly, slot his chopstick, hit me right at my index finger.  He said, "Be manner!". I was in pain but kept quiet.  Why?  Because my dad was the one person I think has the best table manner.