Freedom 384

It has always been a dream. 

When I was 8 year old, I read a short story about Ushuaia in Tierra del Fuego.  They called Ushuaia, the southern most city, The End of The World. Since then, it has been a dream.  It is a dream to visit this place.

Many times as I changed job, I always asked the questions - can I have a gap of 3 months before I joined?  But every company seems to be in urgency and every company can not wait.  Thus, I was not able to take off even I planned and budget the trip.

I met Diego at New York in 2005 for our Citibank Global Talent Associate Program.  Diego is from Buenos Aires, Argentina. It brought up the flame of the dream once again.  Also, 2001 collapse in economy has made Argentina a lot more affordable than before.  Thus, we started talking about a long visit to his home country.

It took two more changed in job till Aug 2009, my plan was in confirmation.  On one hand, it is the right timing as all the projects for the current job is quite settled.  On the other, I felt just right and Argentina economy is booming where the inflation is raising.  With Diego help in planning,  a bit more budgeting - in which I realized the cost has been double or 100% more expensive in 2010 than 2007, the plan was executed.

Finally, I bought the flight ticket in Oct 2009, confirmed with Diego and left my last job on Mar 2010 for my dream.

On Mar 10, 2010 as my last day at work, the freedom started the countdown.  Well, that is because I know there will come the day I have to go back to work.

On Mar 28, 2010, I boarded my flight to Buenos Aires, feeling so free like never before.  Even the flight was with an emergency landing at Johanesberg and delayed for closed to 10 hours, my spirit was up and up.  I landed at Buenos Aires at mid night the same date, chilly feeling the Autumn winds and the life time journey started there for my Freedom 384.

On Apr 4, 2010, I arrived at Ushuaia.  Well, the journey itself is another story to tell.  But I can never forget the feeling of walking out from the airport, add on top like a DejaVu. Then and now, whenever I talked to friends, I always say believe and have a dream, that is what life is all about.

Over the 384 days that I was not working, I had spent 160 days and travelled 8 countries.  I had read closed to 17 books and still reading a couple now.  I had called all my best friends from primary and high school I could get contact with. I had visited friends that I had not seen for 20 to 25 years. Of course, I had met many people who are traveling around the world.  For all to summarize, try it if you have never.  It is something Asian should do more often.

On this night Mar 30, 2011, my last night of freedom before going back to work, after 384 days away from a job and enjoying all the freedom of doing anything I wanted, I still tell all my friends, have a dream and live to fulfill it because that is the most incredible thing that can happen to a person.

In this very same night, I received a sad news of an old colleague passed away in a car accident 2 weeks ago at the age of 39.  The news re-enforced the statement.

So, guys, have a dream.  Like me, at least I have my Freedom 384 once. :-)e

Our Split Personality

Everyone got at least 2 selves.

One Self is true to yourself, but always in the dark.  But it is an honest self.
It knows everything about you; your strength, your weakness, your preferences, your integrity, your values. In this self, we feel torment, unjust, badly treated, emotion and torture. The worst thing, this self can be cruel too.  Because it knows you so well and it can be so honest, meaning that it can also be so blunt it hurts. But if you can face this self, face it with honesty, be true to yourself, you could release your suffered soul from everything and anything.  You feel it hurts and torment you.  But from the torment and struggle, the healing normally make you or this self a stronger and better person.

Another Self, we take it out and show people at work, to socialize, with friend and family.  Not so real, it is just the way we want the society to see us including our family. We portray ourselves with this self. 
Work one, we want to portray a normal self.  But, the work one, is the worst self. This self is normally with some of these identities - pushy, lazy, irresponsible, manipulative, those not so good sides start to surface causing by the tension and stress related to power, money, status and pride.
Friend one, normally very surface because it is to socialize.  Socialize does not mean it has to be with sincerity. This self could be different from the one at work, but it is easier to manage as normally socializing does not take up big part of the time in our life.  It could be just only for show, no hanky panky after a couple hour.  

True good friend, ah ha, well, it is up to the person to decide how much he/she wants to show their true self. However, it can never be the true self. We will never know a person if we only know this self. ***Note - not even for your spouse or children.

Family one, this could be a 3rd self or same as the 2nd self. It could be nicer, if the family is good, or it would be worst, if the family is suck.

An over-lapping Self, the 1st self plus the 2nd self.  This happens when a person want to be sincere but struggle with the matter of trust.  Although I would say, there is no one in the world is the same alike ourselves.  Thus, trusting another person with 100% sincerity and honesty will eventually (most the time) got us hurt because eventually we will come to understand that we could not expect anyone in such.  But during the struggle, an over-lapping self formed.  This scenario is common in family and "good" friend.  Normally, the person will show the best of them - fun, responsible, loving, but can never show their true self.

Norwegian Wood

It is such a sad story, such a sad reading.  It gives despair, and no hope at the end, a total emptiness!

It is surreal, and so helpless for those characters who committed suicide, like living in a box with only darkness and can never get out.  The only way to release themselves, is to kill themselves.

It is so hopeless, and despair for those who live on with loneliness.  Especially, being able to see the so called sane, walking around and living a life like zombie. It transcends the lack of human connection in broad working society.  When people is walking around living like a dummy, the human value disappears.

It seems no one can find the joy of hope, and the only way to release the despair and frustration is through their sexuality experience.  Yet, they still trapped, because their society is not very open about sex and they have breed and groom in such a society.

I have to say Haruki's writing is beautiful, simple to read, smooth in flow.  But Haruki's writing is sad.  It portrays the reality of that society so vivid and real that I feel like I am the character Watanabe sometimes, Naoko sometimes, Midori sometimes while I am reading it.

It is also mind bugling that I have to stop multiple times in between just to pull myself back to my reality.

I want to read more of Haruki's books, but for now, I think I need to stop for a while.  It is a mood, too much and too long of such mood will change the way we react to our daily life.

I have read many books, I have read many sad stories.  I think sad story is very effective way of telling a context, but I prefer not to get myself into a story that has no hope at the end. That is not the way we want our life.  My life has been full of struggles, many frustrating moments, many sad and despair moments, BUT never once that I don't find hope eventually.  I guess I am a positive pessimist.  I found for all the situations I have to face, life never let me into a tunnel which has no way out.  I prefer it that way and I think it is better to keep hope and hoping. It gives determination to in search of a better life.